romanceisdead

Is Romance Dead?

The Shortcomings of Modern-day Hookup Culture

By Molly Arabella Kirk | July 2025

Dare I say it, but we, Gen Z, have a mounting problem. A mutual collective dissatisfaction that hangs over each of our heads like a pendulum swinging ever lower with each shared sigh and eye roll; a jarring neon sign proclaiming in glowing bold print that MODERN DAY DATING SUCKS.

Whatever happened to flowers? A number scrawled on a scrap of paper? The modern-day dating landscape has become a treacherous terrain that’s almost impossible to navigate. As we each seek safe passage through the choppy waters of the heart, searching for safe ground, we often find ourselves capsizing. We face increasing fear of commitment and the contrary goals of simultaneously wanting the next great love and the freedom to explore and experiment without being tied down. Say hello to the era of hookup culture.

Out with the old and in with the casual seems to be the romantic idiom of choice these days. Gradually, traditional dating and relationship labels seem to be passé, flung out of the window and substituted instead with convenient hookups, friends with benefits, mutual exclusivity and short-term “situationships”. Bewildering and unfulfilling, with many of us left to ask the dreaded Gen Z question of “what are we?” during awkward early morning pillow talk.

This rampant, loveless epidemic can be attributed in part to the explosion of online dating apps like Hinge, Tinder and Bumble – the crowned hubs of hookup culture – encouraging casual entanglements through speed-dial and the press of a button.

Whilst designed to create connections, these apps have warped our perspectives of true connection and what we value in our relationships, elevating visual attraction and superficial impulse through a limitless catalogue-style suitor search and decisive judgement swipe. Outdated notions of attraction to minds, personalities, nuances, and intellect (everything that makes them, them) have been subsequently cast downstream.

With each swipe comes the digital trial period, oftentimes marked by a barrage of unsolicited photos and “you up?” messages. It is a predictable pathway, leading to awkward first dates in the flesh where the bomb – “I’m not really looking for anything serious” – is dropped early on to leave no room for doubt and demolish any prematurely sown seeds of optimism. Like many, I have endured the ignominy and disappointment of a faulty ‘swipe right’ crying about an ex for two hours whilst stealing my fries (adding a pinch of salt to the wound).

The digital, free love dating era also rewards us with an ice-cold sliver of paranoia; the dread as you see that special someone’s Snapchat score increase, the heartbreak of seeing your replacement posted on an Instagram story. Not forgetting the ghastliness of being ghosted – a form of psychological warfare that leaves us haunted by the shrill silence of a suddenly severed connection. Unsurprisingly, many are left questioning what went wrong and whether romance truly is dead, with 79% of Gen Z reporting experiencing “dating app burnout” in a 2024 Forbes Health Survey.[1]

There’s no denying the sensual allure of a one-night stand. With the confidence of a few downed cocktails, mixed in with a dash of well-placed charm, a one-night stand seems a reasonable proposition – no strings attached, no complication, simple pleasure and immediate gratification. Boarding a thrilling ride fueled by shallow chemistry, blind confidence and intoxication, with no clear end destination in sight – only the buzz of unbridled potential and getting from A to B.

On paper, it seems exciting, impulsive, almost empowering. Yet, let’s not forget that following night there comes an uncomfortable morning after, where the accusatory bright light of day is accompanied by stomach-churning anxiety and embarrassment. The uncomfortable silence in the aftermath as one fumbles blindly for underwear on the floor whilst the other covertly covers themselves with a blanket. Frequently followed by nauseating ghosting and passive-aggressive blocking just to add to the thrill.

Even with the trendy revamping of traditional romance, sex remains resolutely intimate, something our generation seems to forget. Whilst people are getting caught up in the heady rush towards fourth base, they eventually step off the playing field and find themselves suffering from postcoital dysphoria (otherwise known as “post-sex blues”) and feeling more disconnected than ever before.[2] This is especially so of women, whose bodies during and after produce a delicious ‘symphony of hormones that conspire to make us feel good, and at times not so good’,3 making us more likely to feel attached, require more after care4 and feel more regret the next day.5 As Samantha Warren reflects: ‘I remember when a guy used to court the girl he was seeing. That’s when you would know the connection was real because there was no physical intimacy at all.’6 Surely there is more to modern-day romance than this?

So, has hookup culture successfully butchered traditional romance? ‘My Gen Z clients say they come to me because dating apps are dead, that the waters are polluted and they’re getting ghosted or catfished.’ – Matchmaker Olivia Herbert said in The Independent.7 Many find it impossible to leave the digital talking stage, residing instead in a form of “unlabeled” purgatory coined the “situationship” – a similar state to that of Schrödinger’s cat, neither alive nor dead, half-relationship, half-not. Is it therefore time to shake things up again in the dating scene and start over? It seems the time of reckoning is near, with Gen Z casting their eyes back to old-fashioned matchmakers, single mixers and speed dating.

The jury is out on whether this hybridized model, including old-school matchmaking, which is staging a comeback in 2025 through the introduction of “Tinder Matchmakers”, speed dating (i.e., “Bumble IRL”), city singles events, present-day scrolling and direct messaging, will prove more fruitful than our current barren fields.

As we seek to pave the way towards a more amorous future, I can’t help but wonder, is our death of pure unbridled romance brought on by making “lovemaking” a little too accessible? Do we lack the urge to form deeper bonds with others outside of pleasing our own cravings? Could our growing frustrations and falling prospects perhaps be because it’s easier for us to have our cake and eat it, without having to find the right ingredients first and bake them from scratch? Has hookup culture made us more selfish and less compassionate towards others and have we been conditioned to sow our own seeds of destruction? We might want to press pause and ponder. As Sean Siapno writes in The Skyline View, ‘Romance is fleeting and it’s disappointing to reduce the richness of love to the mediocrity of hookup culture.’8

Ultimately, whilst hookup culture is not for everyone, sex remains a beautiful, fun and enriching act between two people, so long as you are transparent about your intentions with your partner from the start and are able to find someone with compatible interests. Nonetheless, I think I speak for most when I say we could all use just a little more consideration, empathy, honesty and courage overall as ultimately, we are all equally accountable for creating the current culture. Just a simple act of kindness; cuddles after intimacy, a text back, shared breakfast before leaving – can go a long, long way. As Juno Kelly claims in Vogue, ‘Regardless of gender, I can’t help feeling as though omnipresent post-sex ghosting isn’t the kind of empowerment the free love movement was hoping to give rise to.’9

Even with the feelings of cognitive dissonance hanging over us like impregnated grey clouds on an overcast day, golden rays of sunshine still peak through. Despite the challenges of modern-day dating, some of my close friends have still managed to build successful relationships on their terms, stemming from successful one-night stands and dating app meet-ups. As one friend opined, ‘Dating apps make it easier to meet new people and start intimate conversations built on the mutual understanding that you are both looking for something more.’

Likewise, many find that hookup culture is simply more convenient: ‘There are more ways to experience love and pleasure than just by being in a relationship.’ Yet, there are many, me included, who have been burned by the fickle, shallow nature of the current dating pool. Simply put, in the game of love, one size does not fit all.

As we continue to adapt our love-seeking rituals and approaches to changing demands and trends, romance can never be truly dead and, as we learn lessons from the past and try a new blended approach, I can’t help but feel optimistic.

Perhaps sometime soon we can progress and create a more sex-positive, empowering world for women where we all have the opportunity to experience true 21^st century love but without the associated stress. In other words, strike the balance between maintaining respectful traditions of the past and shedding the misogynistic, antiquated parts of authentic traditional courting and modern-day porn culture. In the wise words of an ex: ‘Romance isn’t dead, it’s just wounded’, and as we all know, wounds can heal.

References

1]https://www.forbes.com/health/dating/dating-app-fatigue/

2]https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-to-know-postcoital-dysphoria

3]https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/how-to-be-good-at-casual-sex

4]https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/talking-apes/202104/the-psychology-sexual-regret

5]https://www.hercampus.com/wellness/getting-attached-after-sex-myth-or-fact/

6]https://thought.is/why-being-a-hopeless-romantic-in-a-hookup-culture-is-a-special-kind-of-hell/#:~:text=What%20sucks%20about%20today’s%20dating,Pulling%20a%20girl’s%20chair%20out%3F

7]https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gen-z-dating-app-fatigue-matchmakers-comeback-b2556742.html#

8]https://www.theskylineview.com/opinions/2023/02/13/hookup-culture-is-destroying-romance/

9]https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/how-to-be-good-at-casual-sex

Further Inspiring Sources

https://edition.cnn.com/2024/02/14/business/speed-dating-game-event-nyc/index.html